Grab bag

For situations in which one might have to move in a hurry, it is advisable to have a ‘grab bag’ at the ready: a small bag containing essential items you don’t want to be caught without. Of course what one stores in one’s bag depends largely on the context. As an example, here is a list of fifteen essential items to be carried in preparation for being kidnapped in Afghanistan:

1. A very, very long book (one of those you’ve been meaning to read for ages, but never got round to. Mine is Ulysses)
2. Toilet paper
3. A music player of some sort and collection of soothing songs (as my dad said, bonus points if you’ve got some regional/religious music on it. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan is a popular choice, but may not best please hardcore Taliban)
4. Toothbrush
5. Inflatable pillow like people use on aeroplanes (those caves can be very uncomfortable)
6. Opium pipe (opium to be provided)
7. Bottle of whisky. Full. (Some argue that this may get you in trouble. I believe it would be a good thing to share with one’s captors on a cold night.)
8. Psychedelic drugs (to put in their whisky)
9. Hacksaw, file, lock-pick and short-handled shovel
10. Spare turban
11. Wig and fake beard (black)
12. Small sachets of salt and pepper
13. Spare bottle of whisky
14. A torch
15. Pen and paper (for playing hangman etc., and swapping names and addresses so you can stay in touch afterwards)

Never leave home without it.